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eve_aida* 24 April 2012 @ 08.56PM
Yesterday, I 'accidentally' met someone who used to be so important to me. The one I thought that - He's mine. The one I fell in love with at seventeen.
I was so shocked and could only gasped in silent when I finally realised it was him.
As if we were planned to meet, somehow we both wearing matching colours. I dressed up wearing a blue checkered shirt. While he is wearing a blue shirt that I still remember it is one of his favourite colours. After years of separation, he looks so different. I find him looking so neat and more mature.
Only God knows how we desperately try not to meet each other in real life. The day was hot with sun seeping into my skin. Only because the reason he was there, I feel like as if the somewhat oppressive feeling of all day summer wasn’t enough, leaving me in a somewhat a very, very awkward state.
All in all, I hate this eerie atmosphere. How I wish I own that place and order him to leave? My head spins with all possible excuses if only I could make him go away. Though I know it’s impossible.
One of the things that keep playing in my head was the ‘why’ question. Out of many places in this whole wide world, despite of minutes and seconds, why on earth the both of us ended up meeting there? Why it must be around the same time? Why is he standing there less than five meters from the place I stand? Why? But I don’t have the answers to all of my questions.
But there he is standing. Yes. The one I fell in love with at seventeen.
I’m sure the moment I saw him, he saw me too because our eyes met for a few seconds before I glanced away. From the corner of my eyes, I sensed him eyeing on me through the hole between the signs. Maybe he wants to recollect all his senses to believe it was me, the person he sees.
The one he fell in love with at sixteen.
After those separated years, I used to think it would be the end of the world once I see him. But thanks to yesterday I finally figured out, how wrong it turned out to be?
Rather than having my heart either to stop beating or beating vigorously, it seems like his 'spell' is not working this time on me. I even surprised at myself, I was so calm yet so natural as if he had no effect on me.
Because maybe deep inside I know he's not the same guy who swore "I will love you forever" to me.
Really.
Thanks to yesterday, now I realized, I've move on and forward with my life.
---
* 19 July 2012 @ 06.22AM
Still... Seeing him just now, it made me remember all the little things about us.
I pressed my lips, into a thin line. Whatever thought I had made me stared ahead blankly.
But, I have to admit and it’s not too much for me to say that everyday, every single day was filled with joy and laughter. Especially during our school days.
During school days, we commuted to school by bus. So, we met every single morning and I knew he would save a space for me. Once the school ended, we met again and he would be there and wait for me but standing up in the crowd, no seat unfortunately. Still, I sensed a moment of happiness as he would stand next to me.
Even I knew him but every time we met up, my heart would pound crazily. I couldn't feel my legs somehow I failed to stand up properly. My cheeks would turn red and felt embarrassed whenever he tilted down with his eyes softly gazed on me. We then chatted about school or whatever came across our minds throughout the journey. And at the same time protect me from whatever until I safe reached my home.
I remember how we used to be so happy, how we love to tease each other, to fight over small, stupid things. But I knew, I couldn’t go on pouting and sulking forever because after that we would definitely made up after a few minutes as he would cheer me up making me to forget whatever silly fight we had. I couldn’t help but to give up because I couldn’t stand how he made me laughed till I cried. Or, when we both didn’t feel like doing anything, we just sat quietly and enjoyed the silence.
Sometimes, he could be a baby too. I remember one time he was sulking because I didn’t want to share my portion of ice cream with him. It’s not I mean to but he didn’t say anything while I was eating them. I took that as a “No. Thank you.” But he said, he couldn’t believe I did that. He pouted, too cute!
The moment I love the most was the time without him saying anything, my heart would literally stop every time he nudged down then smiled at me. I love his smile that I felt that smile comes from his heart that lit up his face. I would blushingly smile in return yet keep my cool as if he had no effect on me. I know that's the opposite truth but I really wonder if he already knew he stirred the 'storm' inside of me?
At the time, if he could and possible, he would call, just want to ask, "Are you okay?" He wanted to make sure I was alright. He made me feel safe and loved. He gives me the feeling like everything was perfect, and I feeling terribly in love in all the little moments.
Just to imagine the scene of the two of us together is beautiful.
How I always wish I wanted to live like this forever.
---
* 10 November 2012 @ 19.38PM
It’s been a year since we've been together. We saw each other almost every single week and we did all sorts of things together. I was on cloud nine.
By the time I was 18, I got an offer to continue my studies and I knew I had to leave him for studies. Putting love aside, I made a promise to myself that I'm going to hold the success with my own hard work. Become a proud daughter to my parents.
Only that, we would be miles apart. I couldn't let the anxiety I grasped within my hands and bring out even 1 milligram of courage to face the future. But I know I had to.
“Just do your best and keep going. And I know if it’s you, you could do it.”
That was what he said. Then he continued.
“It won’t be long. In blinks of eyes, we would be together again as we are now.”
But deep inside, we both were so worried to think the days ahead won’t ever be the same again.
We met a day before I departed. I really felt like crying. To think that he would not be there in front of my eyes, the image kind of terrified me.
Somehow, I was not feeling all self-assured and I got immersed in my own thoughts and without realising it I pouted thinking how the change would sadden me. He sensed my uneasiness and as to ease my feeling, he turned to me and tugged me closer.
"I really love you, I really do. I don't know if I can go on a day without you."
The moment I heard those words came out from his mouth, I swore that time I heard him sobbing. He never cried in front of me before and seeing those tears I know, he meant it from the bottom of his heart.
He finally confessed but somehow I felt so awkward after knowing it straight from him that I actually have someone so dear in my life.
I remained silent. How I wanted to hug him close and never wanted to let him go. And before I realized it, I felt tears rolled down on my cheeks.
I tried to recall my memories, I wondered how many times I ever told him ‘I love you’? Probably not even once as I'm not the type who simply can say the phrase even I want to.
Those important words, I couldn't bring myself to tell him.
So I took the chance to brave myself. I turned, looked up and smiled at him. Softly I whispered.
"I love you too..."
“Hmm…?”
I heard him hummed in reply as if he questioned me whilst smiled bashfully.
I stared at him, nodded and chuckled lightly, in return.
I told myself, no matter what lies ahead in the future I would love him. He’s the one I wanted to be with and whatever obstacles whilst we’re together, we could make it through.
I prayed this moment of bliss would last as long as it could. This happiness, to love someone and beloved by someone.
I wish for eternity, if that was not too much to ask.
---
*tbc*
Note: My first time writing and published. If you have any comment etc., please. All comments will be screened.
Yesterday, I 'accidentally' met someone who used to be so important to me. The one I thought that - He's mine. The one I fell in love with at seventeen.
I was so shocked and could only gasped in silent when I finally realised it was him.
As if we were planned to meet, somehow we both wearing matching colours. I dressed up wearing a blue checkered shirt. While he is wearing a blue shirt that I still remember it is one of his favourite colours. After years of separation, he looks so different. I find him looking so neat and more mature.
Only God knows how we desperately try not to meet each other in real life. The day was hot with sun seeping into my skin. Only because the reason he was there, I feel like as if the somewhat oppressive feeling of all day summer wasn’t enough, leaving me in a somewhat a very, very awkward state.
All in all, I hate this eerie atmosphere. How I wish I own that place and order him to leave? My head spins with all possible excuses if only I could make him go away. Though I know it’s impossible.
One of the things that keep playing in my head was the ‘why’ question. Out of many places in this whole wide world, despite of minutes and seconds, why on earth the both of us ended up meeting there? Why it must be around the same time? Why is he standing there less than five meters from the place I stand? Why? But I don’t have the answers to all of my questions.
But there he is standing. Yes. The one I fell in love with at seventeen.
I’m sure the moment I saw him, he saw me too because our eyes met for a few seconds before I glanced away. From the corner of my eyes, I sensed him eyeing on me through the hole between the signs. Maybe he wants to recollect all his senses to believe it was me, the person he sees.
The one he fell in love with at sixteen.
After those separated years, I used to think it would be the end of the world once I see him. But thanks to yesterday I finally figured out, how wrong it turned out to be?
Rather than having my heart either to stop beating or beating vigorously, it seems like his 'spell' is not working this time on me. I even surprised at myself, I was so calm yet so natural as if he had no effect on me.
Because maybe deep inside I know he's not the same guy who swore "I will love you forever" to me.
Really.
Thanks to yesterday, now I realized, I've move on and forward with my life.
---
* 19 July 2012 @ 06.22AM
Still... Seeing him just now, it made me remember all the little things about us.
I pressed my lips, into a thin line. Whatever thought I had made me stared ahead blankly.
But, I have to admit and it’s not too much for me to say that everyday, every single day was filled with joy and laughter. Especially during our school days.
During school days, we commuted to school by bus. So, we met every single morning and I knew he would save a space for me. Once the school ended, we met again and he would be there and wait for me but standing up in the crowd, no seat unfortunately. Still, I sensed a moment of happiness as he would stand next to me.
Even I knew him but every time we met up, my heart would pound crazily. I couldn't feel my legs somehow I failed to stand up properly. My cheeks would turn red and felt embarrassed whenever he tilted down with his eyes softly gazed on me. We then chatted about school or whatever came across our minds throughout the journey. And at the same time protect me from whatever until I safe reached my home.
I remember how we used to be so happy, how we love to tease each other, to fight over small, stupid things. But I knew, I couldn’t go on pouting and sulking forever because after that we would definitely made up after a few minutes as he would cheer me up making me to forget whatever silly fight we had. I couldn’t help but to give up because I couldn’t stand how he made me laughed till I cried. Or, when we both didn’t feel like doing anything, we just sat quietly and enjoyed the silence.
Sometimes, he could be a baby too. I remember one time he was sulking because I didn’t want to share my portion of ice cream with him. It’s not I mean to but he didn’t say anything while I was eating them. I took that as a “No. Thank you.” But he said, he couldn’t believe I did that. He pouted, too cute!
The moment I love the most was the time without him saying anything, my heart would literally stop every time he nudged down then smiled at me. I love his smile that I felt that smile comes from his heart that lit up his face. I would blushingly smile in return yet keep my cool as if he had no effect on me. I know that's the opposite truth but I really wonder if he already knew he stirred the 'storm' inside of me?
At the time, if he could and possible, he would call, just want to ask, "Are you okay?" He wanted to make sure I was alright. He made me feel safe and loved. He gives me the feeling like everything was perfect, and I feeling terribly in love in all the little moments.
Just to imagine the scene of the two of us together is beautiful.
How I always wish I wanted to live like this forever.
---
* 10 November 2012 @ 19.38PM
It’s been a year since we've been together. We saw each other almost every single week and we did all sorts of things together. I was on cloud nine.
By the time I was 18, I got an offer to continue my studies and I knew I had to leave him for studies. Putting love aside, I made a promise to myself that I'm going to hold the success with my own hard work. Become a proud daughter to my parents.
Only that, we would be miles apart. I couldn't let the anxiety I grasped within my hands and bring out even 1 milligram of courage to face the future. But I know I had to.
“Just do your best and keep going. And I know if it’s you, you could do it.”
That was what he said. Then he continued.
“It won’t be long. In blinks of eyes, we would be together again as we are now.”
But deep inside, we both were so worried to think the days ahead won’t ever be the same again.
We met a day before I departed. I really felt like crying. To think that he would not be there in front of my eyes, the image kind of terrified me.
Somehow, I was not feeling all self-assured and I got immersed in my own thoughts and without realising it I pouted thinking how the change would sadden me. He sensed my uneasiness and as to ease my feeling, he turned to me and tugged me closer.
"I really love you, I really do. I don't know if I can go on a day without you."
The moment I heard those words came out from his mouth, I swore that time I heard him sobbing. He never cried in front of me before and seeing those tears I know, he meant it from the bottom of his heart.
He finally confessed but somehow I felt so awkward after knowing it straight from him that I actually have someone so dear in my life.
I remained silent. How I wanted to hug him close and never wanted to let him go. And before I realized it, I felt tears rolled down on my cheeks.
I tried to recall my memories, I wondered how many times I ever told him ‘I love you’? Probably not even once as I'm not the type who simply can say the phrase even I want to.
Those important words, I couldn't bring myself to tell him.
So I took the chance to brave myself. I turned, looked up and smiled at him. Softly I whispered.
"I love you too..."
“Hmm…?”
I heard him hummed in reply as if he questioned me whilst smiled bashfully.
I stared at him, nodded and chuckled lightly, in return.
I told myself, no matter what lies ahead in the future I would love him. He’s the one I wanted to be with and whatever obstacles whilst we’re together, we could make it through.
I prayed this moment of bliss would last as long as it could. This happiness, to love someone and beloved by someone.
I wish for eternity, if that was not too much to ask.
---
*tbc*
Note: My first time writing and published. If you have any comment etc., please. All comments will be screened.
